Two years ago, Mrs. B and I moved from Massachusetts down to Northern Virginia, which was our 21st move together. It looks like we might be staying here for a while, so this past weekend, we got to thinking we might unpack some of our boxes. These are more or less like time capsules that we’ve moved from house to house for decades, unopened.

The first box was unrewarding, containing spices that expired in the 1990s, and—as if the past were mocking me—some men’s hair care products. More inspiring, however, was a collection of old family photos. One that was especially poignant was from 22 years ago this month, of our adopted daughter the day I brought her back from an orphanage in China. I had gone by myself to get her because that was before Mrs. B had her own U.S. citizenship, so she stayed behind to take care of our new daughter’s two older brothers.

This was taken a few hours after I arrived on a double-redeye from Guangzhou, China. Our daughter was 16 months old at the time.

Our new daughter was afraid and disoriented on that day, and for weeks would scream bloody murder if anyone but me tried to pick her up. I remember we were worried for the first few months that she would be clingy and timid forever. Not to worry, it turned out—she grew up to become a fearless adventurer. For example, all she wanted for her 18th birthday was to go skydiving with me, which we did in a rickety 1960s Cessna, piloted by a Brazilian fellow who looked up at the clouds between thunderstorms before we took off and muttered, “O tempo parece bom o suficiente,” which means, “I guess the weather is good enough.”

The birthday in question. The guy who looks like he’s in my backpack was actually the interpreter for the pilot, who also doubled as our instructor. More importantly, it was his job to make sure I didn’t die. He inspired great confidence by regaling me with tales of his last two dozen part-time jobs.

Anyway, my little daredevil starts another adventure this month, having just completed her career schooling as a Second Lieutenant in the U.S. Marine Corps. She heads off for her duty station in the Pacific, from where she will do her deployments over the coming years.

Here is Second Lieutenant Brooks’ commissioning last year, receiving her first salute from her brother, Sergeant Brooks. Proud parents in the background. Go figure how all this military activity happened in the Brooks family: I didn’t even last one year in the Cub Scouts.

Anyway, my little daredevil starts another adventure this month, having just completed her career schooling as a Second Lieutenant in the U.S. Marine Corps. She heads off for her duty station in the Pacific, from where she will do her deployments over the coming years.I’ve learned a lot from my little girl over the years. She has broadened my horizons about who people can become, and how doing new and uncomfortable things is part of a rich and meaningful life. We can all do more of this. Maybe not jumping out of planes or fighting America’s enemies, but certainly embracing discomfort and difference from ourselves in our everyday interactions. That’s my topic today.

We hear a lot about diversity these days, largely in a political context. As a happiness researcher, I am interested in diversity in the way that being around very different people than ourselves enriches our lives. But by “diversity,” I don’t just mean race and sex; rather, deeper ideas of diversity, such as attitudes and temperament—people who think and feel differently than us. Useful research has shown that connections forged among different types of people—what social scientists call “bridging social capital”—reliably enhances peace, prosperity, and social progress.1 Unfortunately, to seek out such connections goes against our instincts to find comfort in the familiar.

This is a shame, because diversity of attitudes can be one of the most beneficial kinds. Management researchers have long found that diversity of ideas and ideology leads to better, more creative business outcomes.2 But new research takes this further, showing that under the right circumstances of respectful, courteous exchange, explicit political disagreement on teams leads to superior performance.3 Knowing that diversity in your social life is good for your happiness and success is one thing; making it happen is another. Here are three ways to get started:

  1. Talk to strangers. The social path of least resistance is to stay in your traditional friend group, where interactions are familiar and easy. But as the psychologists Nicholas Epley and Juliana Schroeder have demonstrated, this posture is partly based on overestimating how awkward or unpleasant it will be to meet new people. They found that almost everyone thought beforehand that not talking to strangers would be more pleasant than doing so; their results showed that participants discovered the opposite was true.4
  2. Become a social scientist. Next, hunt for diversity in attitudes and viewpoints. The best way to do this is to ask people you meet socially for their honest views on issues. If this seems terribly difficult, it can help to imagine that you are a social scientist doing research: Seek out people with whom you’re likely to disagree, and solicit their views in a friendly way. Your goal should be to understand them deeply.
  3. Celebrate heresy. If you want to go all-in, try creating a friend group that explicitly encourages heterodox thinking. The point isn’t to agree at all; it is to have your mind expanded without the threat of canceling or risk of being canceled. This is the spirit of 19th-century free thinkers, who questioned everything without fear or favor. Perhaps the greatest proponent of this way of thinking was the writer Robert G. Ingersoll, dubbed “the Great Agnostic” for his willingness to question everything. In his 1877 book, Heretics and Heresies, Ingersoll wrote, “[Heresy] is the perpetual New World, the unknown sea, toward which the brave all sail. It is the eternal horizon of progress.”5

See you next week, and Semper Fi,

Arthur

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P.S.—On this week’s Office Hoursepisode, I covered this topic in detail. If you find your social life a little dry—and perhaps in need of some fresh excitement—please do watch or listen.

References‍
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​[1] Claridge, T. (2018) Functions of social capital - bonding, bridging, linking. Social Capital Research.​
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[2] Post, C., De Lia, E., DiTomaso, N., Tirpak, T. M., & Borwankar, R. (2009). Capitalizing on Thought Diversity for Innovation. Research-Technology Management, 52(6), 14–25.

[3] Shi, F., Teplitskiy, M., Duede, E., & Evans, J. A. (2019). The wisdom of polarized crowds. Nature human behaviour, 3(4), 329-336.
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[4] Epley, N., & Schroeder, J. (2014). Mistakenly seeking solitude. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 143(5), 1980–1999.
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[5] Ingersoll, R. G. (2011). Heretics and heresies: From The gods and other lectures. Project Gutenberg.
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