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64

How to Be Real in a Fake World

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When I was a kid, I loved Halloween—I mean who doesn’t love candy and dressing up for a night? It turns out, October 31 is not the only day we wear a disguise. Today, I’m talking about the masks we wear the other 364 days of the year. 

In this episode of Office Hours, I explore the psychology behind why we wear masks in our daily lives and the emotional cost of hiding our feelings. More importantly, I share three ways we can take off the mask and live more honestly, so that we can give and receive the love we need most.

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Are you interested in helping others through the science of happiness? I have a new three-day program—learn more here. 

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Referenced:

• The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness

• Arthur’s newsletter

• The Happiness Scale

• The Pursuit of Happiness with Arthur Brooks

• Maskenfreiheit

• Develop Authenticity: 20 Ways to Be a More Authentic Person

• George F. Will

• Pan Am Smile

• Not all smiles are created equal: the differences between enjoyment and nonenjoyment smiles

• Smiling with Your Eyes: What Exactly Is a Duchenne Smile?

• Cultural differences in the production of emotional facial expressions: a review

• Psychophysiological effects of emotional display rules and the moderating role of trait anger in a simulated call center

• The Impact of Display Rules and Emotional Labor on Psychological Well-being at Work

• Man and His Machine

• Unconditional self-acceptance and psychological health

• The Minister’s Black Veil

guest appearing in this episode

(00:00) Intro

(12:17) Activation vs. inhibition

(14:22) When masking becomes a problem

(25:10) Why honesty matters more than avoiding conflict

(27:48) #1. Take a break from yourself

(31:19) #2. Take your mask off around loved ones

(34:07) #3. Make sure you like what’s behind the mask

(37:29) Q&A: The difference between satisfaction and happiness

(38:59) Q&A: Coping with disappointment

(41:07) Q&A: Reconciling belief in God with suffering

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