If you are in your 40s or 50s—or plan to be at some point, or were and would like to understand that time of your life better (in other words, everybody)—you might be concerned about the so-called “mid-life crisis.” You know, the stürm und drang that involves everything from burning out on your career to buying a red sportscar with an inappropriate passenger in it. It’s supposed to be inevitable and terrible. But is it?
What the science says
The idea of the midlife crisis, popularized in the 1970s, suggests that people in their 40s and 50s inevitably experience a painful period, questioning life choices and fearing aging. But modern research shows this "crisis" isn't inevitable at all. Studies indicate that midlife can actually be a time of growth and happiness if we make two key choices: focus on the gifts of aging, and choose subtraction over addition. Instead of fighting aging, embracing our strengths leads to fulfillment, while simplifying life can help reduce stress and make room for joy.
What I think
Midlife is the point at which the artistic metaphor for your life should change from a canvas (you add the brushstrokes to the painting of your life) to a sculpture (in which the work of art appears as a result of chipping away, not adding). This can be difficult. For many, the most important impediment to chipping away is a belief that success = more. In middle age, this is bad math. Endeavor to change your objective by reevaluating old responsibilities, conceits, and encumbrances that might have served you in the past, but now do not. This might include houses or other possessions; distractions that once were fun; commitments that are supposed to increase your social standing; and relationships you don’t enjoy but that are “good to maintain.”
What you can do
If you’re in or approaching midlife, here are two decisions you can make to turn this stage into a time of growth:
- Focus on what age gives you, not what it takes away: Embrace the wisdom, perspective, and skills that grow stronger as you age, like the ability to teach and see patterns. Accepting and celebrating these strengths can turn midlife into a time of generativity rather than stagnation.
- Choose subtraction, not addition: In early adulthood, success is often defined by accumulation—more money, more relationships, more responsibilities. By midlife, though, it's time to focus on simplifying. Declutter your commitments and make more room for the things that matter. A specific tool I use for this is the Reverse Bucket List: I write down all my wants, ambitions and desires and I cross them out as attachments. I might or might not get them; that is not the point. I am no longer attached to them, which increases my satisfaction. You can download this guide to do this exercise for yourself.
Midlife doesn’t have to be a crisis—it can be a time of renewal and growth if you make intentional choices to live more meaningfully.
Arthur